the thanksgivings of my youth involved cars loaded with food, kids, pets, and grandparents.
we would head up to celebrate by the frozen shores of lake superior.
my dad's birthday is right around thanksgiving, so the weekend had an extra sprinkling of celebratory fun. we would eat, ski, snuggle by the fire, read oodles of books, watch movies, and cut down our christmas tree. and, if the photo above is any indicator, apparently i would spend a ton of time making my hair huge and sulking.
after my dad died, the holiday lost its luster.
our new thanksgiving tradition is lovely, warm, yummy, and fills me with happiness, but it still feels like there is something missing, because there is.
so many of the holiday traditions that i loved involved my dad. a part of me wants to reinstitute these traditions with my family, the other part wants to keep them safely tucked away because i'm not sure i can handle any of them without sobbing. it's been seven years and you would think that i would just get over the damn grief and move on.
but i can't.
i miss him, especially this time of year.
i miss his wit, his brilliance, his mad style, and his love for family traditions and holidays. and i hate that he is missing all of this. he would find such joy in what his girls (aimes, you too as the bonus daughter) are all doing with our lives, and the antics of his grandchildren.
oh, he would be simply mad for the grandchildren.
so, in an effort to be more joyous and less melancholy (given my penchant for drama), we wind up early to fully embrace the holiday season.
we've already done the following:
the wee cedri made their christmas lists,
i bought christmas ornaments,
and i've put up a few decorations.
but most importantly, we are listening to carols.
i know it's wrong, but i love them.
especially this one.
because it makes me smile.
and my sweet papa loved christmas carols. he would play them loud and do a little soft shoe shuffle around the house.
here's one for you dad.
this wouldn't be your choice of tunes, and you would have some opinions about their hair, but you would dance nonetheless.
(note the pensive dude from spandau ballet, the solemn ladies of bananarama, and the random wafts of cig smoke. the brits did the 80s so well)
2 comments:
I hear you about the ambivalence of the season. Sounds like things are going well so far, and thanks so much for reminding me of all my old crushes in the 80's, most of which are in the video (I'm looking at you, John Taylor and Sting).
Martha, this is lovely. Your tributes to your dad make it clear what an extraordinary man he was. Your own quick wit makes me understand he must have been pretty amazing!
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